Warning, this is a rant and is not safe for work.
Suter and Parise are going to pair up and head to Minnesota. Congrats guys. You wanted a place where you could avoid the limelight? Well you’ll chose a place where you’ll be forgotten forever.
I thought both of you were winners, champions at heart. Couldn’t have been more wrong about that one. Rather than choosing a proven winner, you chose a perennial bottom dweller, in possibly one of the most forgettable cities in the league. The Wild are the taint of the NHL: forgettable, pointless and a little disgusting.
Minnesota? Who are you going to play with? Cal Clutterbuck or the imposter that calls himself Dany Heatley? You’re one fucking pill of Viagra for Minnesota’s limp dick, while Detroit been going Ron Jeremy for the past 21 years.
Hit the jump.
Oh, they have great prospects? They’ll be great in the future? Yeah, ask Columbus how that’s worked out. They’ve had prospects for 12 years and managed to land face first in their own shit every time. The Wild’s track record isn’t any better.
But the ownership will take care of you? Really, you’re counting on Craig Leipold? You know, the owner that almost caused Nashville to shut their doors, appears to only care about the money, and has never brought a winner to the table, is the guy you’ve put faith in for the rest of your career. Let’s call Nashville fans and ask what they think of him.
Is Leipold going to treat you like family like Illitch does in Detroit (or like Mario does in a creepy Jerry Sandusky way like in Pittsburgh)? Is it going to be a place where, if you honor the jersey on your back, you’ll be taken care of and revered for the rest of your life? Nah, you’ll be treated like the dollar symbol you are in Minnesota. Enjoy being milked for all you’re worth by Leipold until he moves on to the next money making opportunity.
Yeah, it would be harder to get your jersey retired in Pittsburgh or Mo-Town. You might even play second fiddle to Datsyuk or Crosby. But champions are up for the challenge. There's a reason the only superstar that Minnesota has ever known packed his bags and left.
Had you gone to Pittsburgh, I would have hated it, but understood. They’ve put together a hell of a fucking program over there, built on the tears of Gary himself. But you chose an easy life of mediocrity instead, and I can’t respect that. Safe and easy and forgettable. Sure, you might say I’m a pissed off, whiny Wings fan. I damn well am. It's because I thought you both were better than this. I hope you enjoy a career of 7th place finishes and tight defensive schemes.
Zach, ten years ago I met your girlfriend at a restaurant. I hate to tell you this, but she was into me man. She’s not into losers.
But now, let’s move on. Nash? Ryan? Semin? Carle? Get on the phone Kenny. 50 bucks says the Wings win two cups before either of you losers make it to the finals.
I do not really mind losing Parise, as there are other options like Semin or Ryan, but the way Suter had to follow Parise like a list dog into the NHL cellar is what makes me mad, but if we can suffice for this year, we can sign the Batman if Nashville's blue line next year, sorry Suter but Weber is better if there is no rift after the hit on Z last playoffs.
They should ask Shane Doan what it's like praying that they can get a team to make it to the 2nd round of the playoffs. Gonna be a looooooong 13 years for those 2.
Let those two stay close to where they grew up and to their families, but let it be known to them that they have missed out on a great opportunity to play with Detroit. Their 13 years playing for the Wild will be dull, meaningless almost, to the point that they'd want to be traded after the first 3-4 years of not making the playoffs. I was let down that they wanted to go to Minnesota, but I got over really quick when I realized something, "Two people does not a hockey team make" they may improve the scoring and some of the defense, but without everyone else on the team living up to 'playoff worth standards' I suspect they won't make the playoffs for 2+ years. I may be bitter, as Wisconsin people learn to be, however I am certain that Detroit will be stronger from this, Detroit will raise the Cup once more, and they will be victorious.
http://www.nba.com/cavaliers/news/gilbert_letter_100708.html ...he's the owner of the Cavs. Don't get me wrong, I loved the article and thought it was pretty spot on.
Suter: Yo Zach!! You enjoy that Stanley Cup run??Parise: Naaaahhh too much hype, fans loved me way too much!!Suter: Ya, I felt real bad about beating out the Wings, a titan like that should never get beat out first round.Parise: Wanna come eat up all of Minnesota's cap space?? Mom will bake you pies every sunday!! Probably won't ever have to deal with the playoffs again!!Suter: Perfect, as long as we ask for enough to make sure Weber can't follow.
Parise: DONE!!Neither player was worth 7.548 million, I'm glad the Wings didn't go that high. All I want is Weber, I'd forget the Zetterberg incident in a heartbeat, he shoots right, he's gives us some grit and we even have an unused #6 jersey hanging in the Joe Louis locker room. Meant to be, as for wing, give me Doan over Semin, I know Semin is more skilled, but I just don't think he has the character. Either way they're both righties, something we're in desperate need of.
We should try to trade for Webers rights. Odds are, he's not going to sign long term with them now that his "robin" is gone. Plus, they added all those pieces at the trade deadline and got bounced in the second round. Now is the perfect opportunity to strike!
Well said & couldnt agree with u more!! The viagra/Ron jeremy line was quite possiibly the greatest thing I ever read!!!
Wow, I didn't think they were that stupid. Oh well, more cups for everyone else. Do minni actually think they're going to be a contender?
Having said that, Holland better do something decent, otherwise this offseason will have been a complete fucking failure.
I'm trying to be as open-minded as I can about the Parise/Suter decision to sign with the Wild, but I seriuosly think they both made a bad choice. Obviously, adding both of them adds some depth to that team, but I can't see them winning anything major anytime soon (although secretly I would love to see them make it to the wcf, only to be swept by Detroit). I could be wrong, I don't follow Minn. very closely.
Also, Ryan Suter...really? You really felt the most important thing for your career was to play in a small market? Really? What a f*cking idiot!
Another great on from the Chief:
As much as im a Wings fan i must say its a tough pill to swallow but no need to put down them for wanting to play together not in detroit ... we need to move on from here .
Hmm, this is going to be interesting. Even when Minnesota was playing lights out at the beginning of last year, I knew they would come down to earth. Hell, they went from 1st to out of the playoffs in like 3 weeks. I'm just wondering, who is the real Minnesota? You're rant is correct in that they are typically bottom dwellers and kings of the irrelevant but maybe that start they had wasn't a fluke but a sign of potential. We'll have to wait and see...
As for the Wings, the silver lining is we can pick up smaller pieces and build a "defense by committee" with no real super star. I don't mind that to be honest. I'm just happy free agency can actually get started now.
That was just what I needed. Love the Viagra... Ron Jeremy references. The Wild overpaid for some good players. The market dictated this fiasco. Let's pick up some talented players at a reasonable price and move on. You know Kenny will make some magic happen. May not be immediate but it will happen. Happy No King Day!
Thank goodness that's over. I didn't want Suter or Parise.... I don't think either of them are worth 7.5 for 13.. wow.
Let's get Semin for under 5 and call it good.
@marti783 We would actually need to trade for Weber, he isn't a UFA til next year.
@drw91 Best thing to do is win another cup
@Reddy Right, that's what I said. Trade for his rights and sign him (assuming he would sign). Although price tag would be huge
@marti783 I know what UFA and RFA are :P
@Reddy He doesnt have a contract right now so you if you traded for him you would be trading for his "rights." there would be no guarantee he would sign which would bring you to arbitration and yada yada. I was just using the technical term