Holy crap. This is pure gold.
Somehow, @notpaveldatsyuk manages to actually sound like Pavel Datsyuk, but even funnier. I'm not entirely sure it's not just Pavel pretending to be a fake version of himself. In fact, the more I read it, the more I think it is. Take a look with me, it's incredible.
(Not) Pavel Datysuk after the jump:
First with some just hilarious one liners.
- I swear, Helm make one more joke about Danger Zone or buzz the tower before tomorrow's Jets game, I shoot him down.
- In locker room now. Homer ask Conklin if he is trying to steal job from him deflecting pucks into nets.
- I think we make mistake leaving Buffalo. Drew Miller's hair look darker. Also, since when does he own goalie pads?
- In Buffalo tonight. Weird city. Can anybody say why cab drivers flinch when I tell them I am NHL Player for Central Division team?
- Milan Lucic run my goalie like that, I make sure he have to eat dinner through straw. I make it twisty straw though. I am no monster.
- Ian White face has done more to prevent goals this season than Steve Mason whole body. Get well soon, Ian!
- All Red Wings games are must see! Especially for me. Play blindfolded very hard.
- I say congrats to all Red Wings for seven year guarantee against being Kronwalled!
- Yes, I have my own bobble. I also have Hank's. I put them together. Sometimes Babcock bobble come over and separate them. I do not know why.
- I almost finish Christmas shopping today. Turns out you cannot buy goal for Bertuzzi.
- Somebody try explain to me why Jimmy Howard not on All-Star ballot. We try keep him getting suspended maybe?
Best tweet by NotPavelDatsyuk:
"I see movie about turtles that live in sewer and sneak attack people. I wonder if these are lost children of Claude Lemieux."
His best non-hockey related one:
"Do not understand some of your American sayings. In Russia, birds and bees do not have sex with one another."
Just checked his Twitter profile to make sure I'm following and found this gem, "What I do know about Malkin's injury: It could be upper-body, but not what you think. His face always look like that."If this is actually Pavel, I'm leaving immediately after work to go buy a Datsyuk jersey.